So another saturday, and another delicate-headed post on The Blandford Examiner. I've been slightly impeded this week by the simple fact that there's sweet bugger all going on anywhere in the world this weekend, according to the usual sources, but I'll give it my best shot anyway. The problem is most papers and news outlets seem determined to center around the murder of Sally Anne Bowman and her killer being sent to prison for about nine million years. No real shock, really, and I'm not sure why it's news, after all, this is a bloke who's entire defence centered on the argument that he wasn't one of those nasty murderer types, he was just your average small-town necrophiliac rapist. I'd have given him ten more years just for being an idiot.
Let me try my best, though, to try to show you how boring today is. You can judge the entertainment value of world current events with a quick look at the BBC News homepage, and a few classics today are 'Should Garages Have a Compulsory Code?', which basically means a BBC reporter just got charged £500 by a bloke called Darryl for putting on some dirty overalls and changing something called a lag nut, ' Burrell recalled to Diana inquest', which translates into English from the original Bollocks to mean 'Dead posh tart still making headlines long after the most anorexic maggot has long since left her wretched corpse', and things have gotten so desperate for a story that the BBC seems to be launching some sort of campaign, along with assorted bored MPs, to build more public toilets so elderly people don't piss themselves in the street. I know this is a major problem where I live - you can't walk to the corner shop without having your shopping washed away by raging torrents of the piss of hundreds of pensioners who spend their lives surviving on a diet of weak milky tea and peering meekly out of the window. Actually, I'm lying, that never happens, and if you can't walk down the street without pissing yourself might I suggest some sort of bag, because clearly you are beyond any help the average syringe-filled kiddy-fiddling shed barely passing for a public convenience could do for you. Also, if you seriously think the lack of public toilets is a massive issue of real national importance, I have a bag suggestion for you as well - put one over your head until you suffocate.
In technology news, Microsoft have issued a warning to people planning on upgrading to the upcoming Windows Vista Service Pack 1: It breaks pretty much everything. Quite how a company headed by the richest man in the world finds itself completely incapable of making a product that doesn't shit all over everyone else's for no reason other than sheer incompetence is beyond me, but I suppose you don't get to be the most wealthy human being on the planet by employing expensive, skilled workers, and I expect Microsoft's entire range of products is coded solely by drunken pandas in outsize party hats, while Bill Gates and CEO Steve Ballmer walk around the factory laughing raucously at them and the fact that they are paying themselves six million quid every second to laugh at a bunch of Ailuropods wearing comical paper fez. Honestly, I do my best to defend Microsoft and specifically Vista (which I genuinely do like) from the hordes of be-spotted nerds that would have us all using CP/M and burning anyone at the stake anyone who has ever willingly used a Microsoft product, but when they do something as rediculous as to go "oh, we've rolled all our security fixes up into one for this new release, you should buy it, and probably pay for it - oh, and it breaks everything you own". They might as well come into your house at christmas and punch your mother in the tits.
The above may contain exaggeration, but then again, it might not.
Anyway, in sport, as anyone who can tell the time will know, nothing much has happened as only the early kickoff in the football has finished, with Arsenal drawing 2 - 2 with Birmingham. Also, with the Carling Cup final being played tomorrow and the Klitschko fight on in the early hours of the morning, I'm holding off my sports review until tomorrow. About the Arsenal game, though, I do have to say my sympathies go out to Arsenal striker Eduardo, who looks to be out for a long, long time after a shocking broken leg very early in the game in an incident which sadly overshadowed England youngster Theo Walcott's first Premiership goals. I haven't seen too many replays and frankly I don't want to see any more, it was a sickening break, but Martin Taylor, the player on the other side of the tackle, really didn't look like he meant to hurt the Croatian international; in fact, he looked genuinely distraught at the state of his opponent after the challenge. Full credit to the Birmingham fans as well, who gave Eduardo a standing ovation as he was stretchered off in a display of football solidarity and appreciation that was truly touching. Shame on Gunners manager Arsene Wenger after the game, however, for using the injury for politicking, using it as an excuse for a rant about his team being kicked by opponents. It's part of the game. If only he'd shown the same class as the opposition fans.
I hope you stay up now, Birmingham. Your supporters deserve it.
Anyway, full sport report tomorrow. Goodnight.
Let me try my best, though, to try to show you how boring today is. You can judge the entertainment value of world current events with a quick look at the BBC News homepage, and a few classics today are 'Should Garages Have a Compulsory Code?', which basically means a BBC reporter just got charged £500 by a bloke called Darryl for putting on some dirty overalls and changing something called a lag nut, ' Burrell recalled to Diana inquest', which translates into English from the original Bollocks to mean 'Dead posh tart still making headlines long after the most anorexic maggot has long since left her wretched corpse', and things have gotten so desperate for a story that the BBC seems to be launching some sort of campaign, along with assorted bored MPs, to build more public toilets so elderly people don't piss themselves in the street. I know this is a major problem where I live - you can't walk to the corner shop without having your shopping washed away by raging torrents of the piss of hundreds of pensioners who spend their lives surviving on a diet of weak milky tea and peering meekly out of the window. Actually, I'm lying, that never happens, and if you can't walk down the street without pissing yourself might I suggest some sort of bag, because clearly you are beyond any help the average syringe-filled kiddy-fiddling shed barely passing for a public convenience could do for you. Also, if you seriously think the lack of public toilets is a massive issue of real national importance, I have a bag suggestion for you as well - put one over your head until you suffocate.
In technology news, Microsoft have issued a warning to people planning on upgrading to the upcoming Windows Vista Service Pack 1: It breaks pretty much everything. Quite how a company headed by the richest man in the world finds itself completely incapable of making a product that doesn't shit all over everyone else's for no reason other than sheer incompetence is beyond me, but I suppose you don't get to be the most wealthy human being on the planet by employing expensive, skilled workers, and I expect Microsoft's entire range of products is coded solely by drunken pandas in outsize party hats, while Bill Gates and CEO Steve Ballmer walk around the factory laughing raucously at them and the fact that they are paying themselves six million quid every second to laugh at a bunch of Ailuropods wearing comical paper fez. Honestly, I do my best to defend Microsoft and specifically Vista (which I genuinely do like) from the hordes of be-spotted nerds that would have us all using CP/M and burning anyone at the stake anyone who has ever willingly used a Microsoft product, but when they do something as rediculous as to go "oh, we've rolled all our security fixes up into one for this new release, you should buy it, and probably pay for it - oh, and it breaks everything you own". They might as well come into your house at christmas and punch your mother in the tits.
The above may contain exaggeration, but then again, it might not.
Anyway, in sport, as anyone who can tell the time will know, nothing much has happened as only the early kickoff in the football has finished, with Arsenal drawing 2 - 2 with Birmingham. Also, with the Carling Cup final being played tomorrow and the Klitschko fight on in the early hours of the morning, I'm holding off my sports review until tomorrow. About the Arsenal game, though, I do have to say my sympathies go out to Arsenal striker Eduardo, who looks to be out for a long, long time after a shocking broken leg very early in the game in an incident which sadly overshadowed England youngster Theo Walcott's first Premiership goals. I haven't seen too many replays and frankly I don't want to see any more, it was a sickening break, but Martin Taylor, the player on the other side of the tackle, really didn't look like he meant to hurt the Croatian international; in fact, he looked genuinely distraught at the state of his opponent after the challenge. Full credit to the Birmingham fans as well, who gave Eduardo a standing ovation as he was stretchered off in a display of football solidarity and appreciation that was truly touching. Shame on Gunners manager Arsene Wenger after the game, however, for using the injury for politicking, using it as an excuse for a rant about his team being kicked by opponents. It's part of the game. If only he'd shown the same class as the opposition fans.
I hope you stay up now, Birmingham. Your supporters deserve it.
Anyway, full sport report tomorrow. Goodnight.
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