Noel Gallagher should shut his whiny little trap.
Now, I know there are many, many different occasions when such a phrase would come in hugely useful - every time Oasis decide to release a 'new' album, for example - but this time it's being used to describe my feelings towards his frankly ridiculous defence of Troll-doll 'media personality' (Read: Professional Cunt) Russell Brand after his disgusting and now infamous answering-machine prank played on ex-Fawlty Towers advert Andrew Sachs.
Don't get me wrong, I'm as immature as they come. It barely takes a couple of beers on a friday or saturday night before farts and wee become the height of comedy again, and if I was the only one in the whole of Christendom to blow a raspberry every time Arsenal defender Gael Clichy slipped and fell to allow Tottenham to set up their equalizer, then I'm afraid that it falls to me to crown myself a King amongst men. It's just I, despite having other things to do to support myself and not getting to spend all day being paid a ridiculous amount of money to think up ways to be funny, just don't make it my business to go around upsetting septuagenarians.
Gallagher, however, has shown just how great the divide has grown between the entertainment and the audience, and not for the better. The Oasis guitarist and backing singer has come out in saying "It's so typical of the English in general - 10,000 people get outraged, but only five days after it happened. You know what? There's now a massive divide. Them and us". Yes Noel, there is a divide. We pay you, you entertain us. You seem to have forgotten which way around this relationship works, as if you should be granted the freedom to attack photographers and defend Jack Sparrow knock-offs with obnoxious haircuts without mockery or recourse, just because you and your equally gargoyle-faced brother have managed to fool everyone into buying your adolescent and barely-disguised attempts at remaking every Beatles song ever written.
Still, given the presence alongside this one of a story about The Beatles having their work featured on an upcoming Guitar Hero game, perhaps Noel has finally gotten what he wants - he's been mentioned on the same page as McCartney and Ringo. Now maybe he can go back to touching himself over that instead of touching the rest of us with his pompous idea of celebrity.
Oh, and I do hope Russell Brand catches fire. Not because of any particular incident, although this was particularly heinous. I just don't like the odious little scrote.
Goodnight.
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