Alright, I was wrong. I was wrong, and the demon sunlight pouring through the window into my sleepy, hungover eyes is the brightest fucking thing in the whole universe. If I'm looking for a positive in this whole situation, other than the England win and the tanned retinas, it's that Jermain Defoe and Darren Bent proved once again that they are both completely incapable at international level. Oh, and Gabby Agbonlahor got a cap which means Nigeria and the Jocks can't have him, which is always a bonus, even if he never plays another game.
Elsewhere, Fabio Capello says he's delighted with his first year in charge, and who can blame him? The only really negative result was a 1 - 0 loss to France, but the finger for that can't really be pointed at him as most of the players were still under the impression they were playing for the ginger dickhead. Obviously Fabio hadn't gotten enough shouting in by that point, but he's now got that covered. Finally in terms of football news, Spurs have sacked their goalkeeping coach. An inevitability, really, seeing as he's managed in four short months to turn an £8m goalkeeper with a smattering of caps for the greatest footballing nation on earth into what can only be described as a flailing yellow octopus smothered in ghee.
In news not involving grown men in colourful shorts, the Indians have started shooting pirates. Given the apparent recent rise in incidents of piracy in the Indian ocean, operating largely out of what was once Somalia but is now a seething mass of war with borders shifting faster than a snake on a hot shovel, the Indians have apparently had enough and sent out a very large warship to blow them up. They, unsurprisingly, succeeded. Why India is having such great success while the patrolling UN vessels in the area are not shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone either - a UN mandate forbids them from firing on pirate vessels. Essentially, like in most conflicts into which they insist on sicking their blue-helmeted oar, the UN is there to watch. The Indians, however, are there to blow things up, which is an honourable and creditable new approach to the situation, which has escalated to the point of the BBC's map of piracy attacks descending into a sea of little red blobs.
That's about it from me, as I've got a busy day ahead, except for one last thing - I hate to comment on reality TV because it only fucking encourages them, but I've noticed a story about the new series of "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here" - one of the new contestants is Timmy Mallett. Timmy Mallett is not a celebrity, he's a bad punchline. I thought they were scraping the barrell with Carol Thatcher, but at least most of Britain's been waiting nearly 30 years to see a Thatcher eat dirt.
Goodnight.
Elsewhere, Fabio Capello says he's delighted with his first year in charge, and who can blame him? The only really negative result was a 1 - 0 loss to France, but the finger for that can't really be pointed at him as most of the players were still under the impression they were playing for the ginger dickhead. Obviously Fabio hadn't gotten enough shouting in by that point, but he's now got that covered. Finally in terms of football news, Spurs have sacked their goalkeeping coach. An inevitability, really, seeing as he's managed in four short months to turn an £8m goalkeeper with a smattering of caps for the greatest footballing nation on earth into what can only be described as a flailing yellow octopus smothered in ghee.
In news not involving grown men in colourful shorts, the Indians have started shooting pirates. Given the apparent recent rise in incidents of piracy in the Indian ocean, operating largely out of what was once Somalia but is now a seething mass of war with borders shifting faster than a snake on a hot shovel, the Indians have apparently had enough and sent out a very large warship to blow them up. They, unsurprisingly, succeeded. Why India is having such great success while the patrolling UN vessels in the area are not shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone either - a UN mandate forbids them from firing on pirate vessels. Essentially, like in most conflicts into which they insist on sicking their blue-helmeted oar, the UN is there to watch. The Indians, however, are there to blow things up, which is an honourable and creditable new approach to the situation, which has escalated to the point of the BBC's map of piracy attacks descending into a sea of little red blobs.
That's about it from me, as I've got a busy day ahead, except for one last thing - I hate to comment on reality TV because it only fucking encourages them, but I've noticed a story about the new series of "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here" - one of the new contestants is Timmy Mallett. Timmy Mallett is not a celebrity, he's a bad punchline. I thought they were scraping the barrell with Carol Thatcher, but at least most of Britain's been waiting nearly 30 years to see a Thatcher eat dirt.
Goodnight.
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