Every now and then, I come across a story that, even though I know it's bad and evil and wrong, I can't help tickling me right on the funny bones, or wherever it is that causes us to laugh at things we probably shouldn't laugh at, even though they're funny. Today is definitely one such time. The reason behind this slightly offensive mirth today is a story entitled Peacekeepers Abusing Children. Not funny in the slightest, of course, until you factor in the way that, ever since I read the title, I haven't quite been able to shake the mental image of a burly aid worker standing next to a crying child going "well we give you all this food, the least you could do is let us fuck your kids". A bit of a high price for a bag of Skips and a few Paracetamol, as I'm sure you'll agree.
With UN troops doing nothing but standing about wearing fetching blue helmets, getting shot at and now, apparently, going about raping people, various organizations are starting to call for a watchdog group to be set up to avoid this sort of incident occurring again in the future. But of course they would say that - they just want to keep all the cute kids to themselves. Mmm.
In a similar vein, that house of horrors in Jersey has yeilded more bones. It just gets sicker and sicker.
Moving on to technology, the BBC are reporting on a study that suggests web users are becoming 'more selfish'. Apparently, most ignore efforts to make them linger and just search for what they want and then leave. Shocking, isn't it? We should all stick around after we've found what we want just so we can watch their shitty little wanking monkey or whatever the latest advertising campaign is. It also says people are suspicious of online promotions, which really must piss off all those wankers that send out Nigerian spam mails, "Congratulations You're Our 10,000th Visitor" bollocks and everything else that makes the internet shite, which can only be a good thing. I don't put adverts on this blog because I know how fucking irritating they are and that nobody in their right mind ever clicks on them anyway. If I ever do start putting any more than those nice Google text ads that actually seem to be worth something, you can feel free to come and slap me to death with a printout of the flashing image of my cock and balls that I made you click on to win a prize.
Oh, and Big Brother contestants have taken each other to court over one labelling the other 'Stinky'. Quality programming from the people at Channel 4. Big Brother 9 is apparently coming soon. It never fucking ends.
Finally, John Terry has been named England captain for the game against the USA tomorrow. Fantastic, because if there's one type of player we need to stand for us, to represent our strength and collective will against the colonies, it's a blubbering little cock who can't take a penalty without falling on his arse. The BBC reckons this might be something to do with the fact that there are increasingly declining (that's an odd turn of phrase - Ed.) numbers of English footballers in the Premiership - only 170 last season, apparently, as this alarmingly biased graph shows. The fact that the graph representing 170 is a third of the size of the graph representing 207 despite there only being a difference of 37, equating to about two players per squad, isn't mentioned, and the BBC are obviously hoping that we all start to think that 2/3rds of English players have fucked off in the last 2 years. They haven't, but don't let that get between the BBC and a sensationalist knee-jerk lie, eh?
Still, looking at their graph of teams with the most English players, Boro, Wigan and Derby finished in the top six. That's fantastic incentive to buy more English players that is - buy domestic, overspend on the underachieving, and fuck it all up and either get relegated or avoid it by the skin of your teeth. Still, I suppose you can't be ignorant to the fact that something is drastically wrong when England are having to turn to a League Two goalkeeper after Chris Kirkland managed to break himself again. It's cruel that they even keep selecting him, you know - it's like Rob Green and his conceding 4 goals whenever Capello claps eyes on him, regardless of who he's up against.
Also, the FA are shitting themselves at the fact we're about to fall from 2nd to 6th in the European rankings because of changes made to the system. I can't see the problem really, there's no way we're the 2nd best team in Europe. I sincerely doubt we're 6th - Italy, Spain, France, Germany, Russia, Croatia, Leichenstein... there's probably more.
We ought to beat the USA though. They'll probably try to pick it up with their hands.
Goodnight.
With UN troops doing nothing but standing about wearing fetching blue helmets, getting shot at and now, apparently, going about raping people, various organizations are starting to call for a watchdog group to be set up to avoid this sort of incident occurring again in the future. But of course they would say that - they just want to keep all the cute kids to themselves. Mmm.
In a similar vein, that house of horrors in Jersey has yeilded more bones. It just gets sicker and sicker.
Moving on to technology, the BBC are reporting on a study that suggests web users are becoming 'more selfish'. Apparently, most ignore efforts to make them linger and just search for what they want and then leave. Shocking, isn't it? We should all stick around after we've found what we want just so we can watch their shitty little wanking monkey or whatever the latest advertising campaign is. It also says people are suspicious of online promotions, which really must piss off all those wankers that send out Nigerian spam mails, "Congratulations You're Our 10,000th Visitor" bollocks and everything else that makes the internet shite, which can only be a good thing. I don't put adverts on this blog because I know how fucking irritating they are and that nobody in their right mind ever clicks on them anyway. If I ever do start putting any more than those nice Google text ads that actually seem to be worth something, you can feel free to come and slap me to death with a printout of the flashing image of my cock and balls that I made you click on to win a prize.
Oh, and Big Brother contestants have taken each other to court over one labelling the other 'Stinky'. Quality programming from the people at Channel 4. Big Brother 9 is apparently coming soon. It never fucking ends.
Finally, John Terry has been named England captain for the game against the USA tomorrow. Fantastic, because if there's one type of player we need to stand for us, to represent our strength and collective will against the colonies, it's a blubbering little cock who can't take a penalty without falling on his arse. The BBC reckons this might be something to do with the fact that there are increasingly declining (that's an odd turn of phrase - Ed.) numbers of English footballers in the Premiership - only 170 last season, apparently, as this alarmingly biased graph shows. The fact that the graph representing 170 is a third of the size of the graph representing 207 despite there only being a difference of 37, equating to about two players per squad, isn't mentioned, and the BBC are obviously hoping that we all start to think that 2/3rds of English players have fucked off in the last 2 years. They haven't, but don't let that get between the BBC and a sensationalist knee-jerk lie, eh?
Still, looking at their graph of teams with the most English players, Boro, Wigan and Derby finished in the top six. That's fantastic incentive to buy more English players that is - buy domestic, overspend on the underachieving, and fuck it all up and either get relegated or avoid it by the skin of your teeth. Still, I suppose you can't be ignorant to the fact that something is drastically wrong when England are having to turn to a League Two goalkeeper after Chris Kirkland managed to break himself again. It's cruel that they even keep selecting him, you know - it's like Rob Green and his conceding 4 goals whenever Capello claps eyes on him, regardless of who he's up against.
Also, the FA are shitting themselves at the fact we're about to fall from 2nd to 6th in the European rankings because of changes made to the system. I can't see the problem really, there's no way we're the 2nd best team in Europe. I sincerely doubt we're 6th - Italy, Spain, France, Germany, Russia, Croatia, Leichenstein... there's probably more.
We ought to beat the USA though. They'll probably try to pick it up with their hands.
Goodnight.
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