Bleurgh. It's saturday morning, I'm hung over and I'm barely able to work out which keys I'm pressing, squinting through the bleary haze of the innumerable units of alcohol I poured down my suffering gullet last night. I vaguely remember an attempt to 'fight the power' of the government adverts claiming that three units of alcohol a day will kill you by consuming a week's supply in an evening. I'm not sure I got there but by the way my head feels about ten feet wide I'd say I got pretty close.
Anyway.
I don't have much of a story list today, other than people stabbing each other to death some more, but then it is a weekend and that is fast becoming our national passtime, so it's not really news anymore. It's a pretty sad state of affairs when you no longer even make the local news if you've just been knifed, you've got to have at least died on the way to hospital and been brought back before they'll even consider you. If you want to make the nationals you've got to either die for good for a one-inch column in the tabloids, and if you want a feature you'd better hope your killer did something interesting with your intestines. Fucking horrific, isn't it? It's getting to the point where you can't go out without plotting your escape routes in case a gang of kids in outsized baseball caps take a violent dislike to your shoes.
But still, instead of tackling that clearly quite pressing issue (oh no, if we go after them they might stab us! Fucking hell!), the government has again decided to turn around and attack smokers. Fuck off. This time they want to ban cigarette vending machines in pubs, ban packets of ten because they're 'cheap enough for children to buy' and make all cigarette brands be sold in plain packaging. Now, I don't smoke, but fucking hell, leave the bastards that do alone, would you? I've got no problem with them, if they want to go about smoking that's their own business, and maybe they want a pack of ten?
It's all just pointless PR fluff as the government tries it's hardest to ban smoking and never will. Smoking will never, ever disappear from Britain, and even if the government banned it outright, it would simply become the new most popular illegal drug, which would piss off the stoners no end (not that I've ever seen a pissed off stoner - Ed). Banning packets of 10 because they're cheap enough for children to buy? The article even points out that a packet of 10 is £3 and a packet of 20 is £6 - so why would they not just save up and get twice the cigarettes? It's like buying two packs of ten, Gordon! Think about it. Fucking hell.
I won't go into it in any more depth because my head is pounding like a melon that a child is attacking with a mallet, so I'm going to crawl back into my pit and try not to die for the rest of the day and hope I'm well enough to do it all again tomorrow when the England game's on. It's on at 10.00 at night, apparently, due to the time zone differences between here and Port of Spain, so you'll all have the oppertunity to drink yourself into a stupor before we get to see Phil Jagielka dazzle us all with his amazing world-class dribbling ability. Smoke yourself into a pleasant haze, as well, with your plain-wrapped £30-a-fag 50-pack that you bought from an illegal backroom vending machine.
People who campaign against smoking seem to think all non-smokers regard those that do smoke with a loathing usually only reserved for war and football matches, but I have to come out and say I don't give a toss. Smoke all you like, and fuck any and all attempts by these self-righteous selfish cockends to stop you. They should go out-fucking-side if they don't like what's going on on the inside. I thought you liked fresh air?
Goodnight.
Anyway.
I don't have much of a story list today, other than people stabbing each other to death some more, but then it is a weekend and that is fast becoming our national passtime, so it's not really news anymore. It's a pretty sad state of affairs when you no longer even make the local news if you've just been knifed, you've got to have at least died on the way to hospital and been brought back before they'll even consider you. If you want to make the nationals you've got to either die for good for a one-inch column in the tabloids, and if you want a feature you'd better hope your killer did something interesting with your intestines. Fucking horrific, isn't it? It's getting to the point where you can't go out without plotting your escape routes in case a gang of kids in outsized baseball caps take a violent dislike to your shoes.
But still, instead of tackling that clearly quite pressing issue (oh no, if we go after them they might stab us! Fucking hell!), the government has again decided to turn around and attack smokers. Fuck off. This time they want to ban cigarette vending machines in pubs, ban packets of ten because they're 'cheap enough for children to buy' and make all cigarette brands be sold in plain packaging. Now, I don't smoke, but fucking hell, leave the bastards that do alone, would you? I've got no problem with them, if they want to go about smoking that's their own business, and maybe they want a pack of ten?
It's all just pointless PR fluff as the government tries it's hardest to ban smoking and never will. Smoking will never, ever disappear from Britain, and even if the government banned it outright, it would simply become the new most popular illegal drug, which would piss off the stoners no end (not that I've ever seen a pissed off stoner - Ed). Banning packets of 10 because they're cheap enough for children to buy? The article even points out that a packet of 10 is £3 and a packet of 20 is £6 - so why would they not just save up and get twice the cigarettes? It's like buying two packs of ten, Gordon! Think about it. Fucking hell.
I won't go into it in any more depth because my head is pounding like a melon that a child is attacking with a mallet, so I'm going to crawl back into my pit and try not to die for the rest of the day and hope I'm well enough to do it all again tomorrow when the England game's on. It's on at 10.00 at night, apparently, due to the time zone differences between here and Port of Spain, so you'll all have the oppertunity to drink yourself into a stupor before we get to see Phil Jagielka dazzle us all with his amazing world-class dribbling ability. Smoke yourself into a pleasant haze, as well, with your plain-wrapped £30-a-fag 50-pack that you bought from an illegal backroom vending machine.
People who campaign against smoking seem to think all non-smokers regard those that do smoke with a loathing usually only reserved for war and football matches, but I have to come out and say I don't give a toss. Smoke all you like, and fuck any and all attempts by these self-righteous selfish cockends to stop you. They should go out-fucking-side if they don't like what's going on on the inside. I thought you liked fresh air?
Goodnight.
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