Your Say Thursday: Are Children Safe in the Digital World?

Rumours of my omnipotence have been greatly exaggerated. For those of you wondering, since I've jiggled the times around a bit, how I managed to post a critique of the England game around about 12 hours before it actually happened, I used internet magic to shift it back a day so I could still fit in the regular Your Say Thursday segment. That, and I'm trying to convince myself that it was further away than it actually was so I don't have to think about it anymore. Today's Your Say is a typical one to get the crazy right-wing techno-fear thoughtblock, 'Are Children Safe in the Digital World?' - (I do love it when they have a 'Think of the Children!' statement right in the title - Ed) - so I'll just get straight into it:

"Great, another story about how video games are evil. I am 14 years old and have been playing games since the age of 4. I've played games that have been way over my age for a few years, but I'm not an anti social kid, I don't go stealing and vandalising."
Felix Cashap, Baldock

But you are a horrific nerd, and going outside does mean probable instant death from toxic shock, so there's always a downside.

"I don't allow my 7yr old step-son to play pc games when he visits due to him being on them all the time at home. However, on the VERY rare occasions that he is allowed to play them (Lego Star Wars on the DS or Sports on the Wii) he is both hyper-active AND far cheekier afterwards. His behaviour REALLY deteriorates."
Merson The Cat, Staffs, United Kingdom

That might be why he screams and cries when he has to go and stay with the insufferable cunt who thought there was some sort of great detrimental danger in the playing of 'Lego Star Wars'.

"oh look an opportunity to fine people for giving games to their kids with adult ratings, maybe test purchaces from the shops. Look labour more chance to oppress us."
Marc Allinson, York, United Kingdom

Oh look, here comes that blasted Labour again, coming to oppress me while I'm down the shops. I've barely got time for anything else anymore, what with my morning oppression starting at 9, then a quick break for lunch before I start my afternoon subjection. It's getting to the point where I've hardly got the time to piss my half-baked opinions all over the BBC messageboards anymore, you know, in between the beatings that don't happen.

"I played games that weren't "suited" and it hasnt done me any damage. I have a good job, a good home and a gorgeous girlfriend does that make me wierd then for not ending up the way some government ministers expect?"
Purple_Shrimp0, Dundee

Am I the only one who thinks people who have to constantly refer to their girlfriend as 'gorgeous' to people who don't know or care clearly have something to hide? I bet she's got half a face and only one tit.

"Why not have a server that only allows links to approved safe sites (i.e. instead of trying to block unsuitable sites or services, everything is blocked unless it is suitable for kids)."
Paul Kenton, Aberystwyth

Why not lock your children in a wardrobe and slide them their homework under the crack in the door? When they get hungry you can just feed them breadsticks through a little hole that's too high for a paedophile to get his cock in. Then they'd be safe forever until one of the bastards turned up with a stool.

"People who access these sites or supply 18+ content to minors should face prison!"
[Luke_Yeovil]

Hmm. I was wanking to internet porn like a hyperactive chimp on speed when I was 15/16 and my eyes didn't explode out of my head. Does that make me a bad person? Am I going to hell? Only Luke can say, in between bouts of screaming abuse at his penis.

And that's it. I'm out on the piss tomorrow so I'm not sure there'll be a blog and expect even less that there'll be a coherent one, but make sure to have a good laugh at the poor people that populate the Have Your Say boards, because if you didn't, you'd have to cry. Or hit them with a bat. I tried to use a new 'Blogging Tool' to make this post initially, but as I've spent the last half an hour fixing it up after it inserted ten-line blank spaces between every quote, I don't think I'll bother again.

Goodnight.