Is it me or does nobody seem to get murdered in a normal way anymore? Nobody ever gets a bit pissed off with someone and stabs them to death or beats them over the head with a tyre iron or something these days, it's always something mental like they've bitten their face off , drunk their blood and kept their toes and kidneys in a box by the side of their bed. It's like these lunatics are all trying to outdo one another. Alright, murder is always a terrible, terrible thing, but at least we used to have the decency to kill each other in straightforward, normal ways. Now it's all gone a bit CSI. Take the case this week about the poor disabled boy and his mother going missing, and then turning up dead. A young mother and her disabled son turning up dead is a horrible, horrific thing in itself, but that just wasn't enough, was it? No. It had to leak out that the poor bastard had been dead in a suitcase for months on end before anyone found him, and someone had even cancelled the disabled activity bus that picked him up every day.
What kind of sick bollocking cunt would do a thing like that? Doesn't anyone die normally anymore?
I'm all for weird crimes when they're actually funny, though. That Welsh valleys Darth Vader bloke the other day was hilarious in anyone's book, and I'm linking to it again because it deserves to go down as simply the best crime ever to take place. A close second has to go to to the woman who has received a suspended sentence for downloading child pornography and then narrating the the action to her blind husband. Now, say what you want and child pornography is indeed a terrible thing, but that's what you call dedication isn't it? I've had girlfriends who have thrown massive tantrums at me for keeping a sly copy of Loaded lying about the place, and I'll marry the first girl I meet who's not only willing to accept that men can and will wank over pretty much anything that crosses their path during the average day, but is actually willing to narrate the action in the sickest shit I can think of. I wouldn't go that far, obviously, but you've got to admire the loyalty and love that that must take. Then again, you do have to question the sanity of anyone who stands up in court and says that they used to watch child pornography 'for a laugh' - somehow that's even more sick and wrong than watching it to get off.
Anyway, today has been a pretty slow news day as I think every reporter is already massing for the Man United vs. Chelsea game and so ignoring the usual slew of hate and death that makes up half the comedy of this website, so, because this site needs more family-friendly, light-hearted humour, I'll take this oppertunity to go off on a barely-linked tangent about dead people. Why is it never cunts getting killed? Every person that ever dies in a terrible or violent way is never any sort of arsehole, and I simply fail to believe that fate really has it in for that man people who aren't complete bastards. I understand it's largely a sensitivity issue and you can't really be seen to be thinking ill of the dead, but every single person that seems to get murdered always seems to have been some sort of class-topping soul-of-the-party superhuman. That or the 'quiet sort that would never hurt a fly'. Why is it never any of the swarms of mouth-breathing tossers that stalk the streets every friday night looking for a kebab and a fight? Because they're the ones doing the killing probably. It's just interesting that you never see anyone on the news going "Ha! That'll teach the little cunt". Perhaps they just edit them out.
One final thought, do you think that if I tucked my cock in, Sue Perkins would let me lick her fanny?
Time for a gentleman's rest.
Goodnight.
What kind of sick bollocking cunt would do a thing like that? Doesn't anyone die normally anymore?
I'm all for weird crimes when they're actually funny, though. That Welsh valleys Darth Vader bloke the other day was hilarious in anyone's book, and I'm linking to it again because it deserves to go down as simply the best crime ever to take place. A close second has to go to to the woman who has received a suspended sentence for downloading child pornography and then narrating the the action to her blind husband. Now, say what you want and child pornography is indeed a terrible thing, but that's what you call dedication isn't it? I've had girlfriends who have thrown massive tantrums at me for keeping a sly copy of Loaded lying about the place, and I'll marry the first girl I meet who's not only willing to accept that men can and will wank over pretty much anything that crosses their path during the average day, but is actually willing to narrate the action in the sickest shit I can think of. I wouldn't go that far, obviously, but you've got to admire the loyalty and love that that must take. Then again, you do have to question the sanity of anyone who stands up in court and says that they used to watch child pornography 'for a laugh' - somehow that's even more sick and wrong than watching it to get off.
Anyway, today has been a pretty slow news day as I think every reporter is already massing for the Man United vs. Chelsea game and so ignoring the usual slew of hate and death that makes up half the comedy of this website, so, because this site needs more family-friendly, light-hearted humour, I'll take this oppertunity to go off on a barely-linked tangent about dead people. Why is it never cunts getting killed? Every person that ever dies in a terrible or violent way is never any sort of arsehole, and I simply fail to believe that fate really has it in for that man people who aren't complete bastards. I understand it's largely a sensitivity issue and you can't really be seen to be thinking ill of the dead, but every single person that seems to get murdered always seems to have been some sort of class-topping soul-of-the-party superhuman. That or the 'quiet sort that would never hurt a fly'. Why is it never any of the swarms of mouth-breathing tossers that stalk the streets every friday night looking for a kebab and a fight? Because they're the ones doing the killing probably. It's just interesting that you never see anyone on the news going "Ha! That'll teach the little cunt". Perhaps they just edit them out.
One final thought, do you think that if I tucked my cock in, Sue Perkins would let me lick her fanny?
Time for a gentleman's rest.
Goodnight.
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