Now I know in recent days I've talked more about Newcastle United than a Geordie on a speedball, but let's face it, it's still one of the biggest stories in the sport and talking about England booking flights to Kazakhstan would bore me - and you - to tears, so here it is. Since the initial furore over the Sacking of Sam died down and King 'Arry turned down the chance to put his head on the Gallowgate chopping block, the news has reduced to a trickle - alright, a torrent - of ex players and managers tipping Alan Shearer for the job. I mean, let's face it, every time he watches Newcastle on the telly he sits and tells them where they're going wrong, so why not give him a crack at getting it right?
Now my complaints don't lie in his lack of experience, firstly because it's not like Jose Mourinho was the most experienced man in football when he won every trophy under the sun and the hearts of every casual female football fan in the country (damn you, Jose). Now I'm not saying Shearer is as special as The Special One - the kind of reaction that would produce on Tyneside would have to be measured in the kilotons - but it does go to prove that experience is not always an important factor. Secondly, of course, it's because I'm just having a moan and don't really give a toss who Newcastle appoint as manager, as chances are they'll be out on their ear again this time next year having achieved bugger-all. Sources say Houllier wants it, and let's face it, they're not going to get anyone better, but it seems they're scared to get him on the blower, and the reason for that is Alan Fucking Shearer. Herein lies my problem with Big Al.
The problem with Shearer and the Geordie fans is that they hang on his every word, so when he criticises a manager on Match of the Day, the next week the Toon Army are shouting for their heads, but he doesn't appear to have the bottle to take the job on himself and risk his own neck in front of the baying hordes - probably because he knows that, while he might last a few more months as his air of Geordie divinity wears off under a succession of 3 - 1 losses to Reading, he would eventually go the same way as Allardyce, Roeder and everyone else, his star lessened, his light dimmed, and with nobody listening to his inane analysis anymore, his position at the BBC under threat - maybe they could poach Paul Merson from Sky as a replacement, he seems to talk an equivalent amount of bollocks while going equally nowhere.
The time has come for Shearer to put up or shut up. If Mike Ashley goes for Shearer, he will be taking a gamble but will massively endear himself to the Geordie faithful. If he doesn't, he will go for an experienced manager and, with Shearer not ruling himself out this time, the minute results start to turn sour for the new man, the Toon Army will turn not only on Houllier, Hughes or whoever it might be, but will also turn on the board for having the temerity not to appoint their Tyneside Zeus, and Mike Ashley might want to rethink his policy of sitting in the stands, lest he be pelted with meat pie and gravy. Either way is fine by Shearer, he can take the job and hope for the best, or he can sit in his cosy Match of the Day studio and stick his oar in every time the new man at Newcastle doesn't win by four clear goals, starting the whole cycle over again until he decides he has the stones to get out of his armchair and try the pressure, problems and potential pitfalls of the dugout for real. Until then, sadly, he will continue to play Football Manager with Newcastle every Saturday at 10.15, and be a willing participant in the downfall of the next man who's job it will be to turn the Geordie cause around. And the next. And the next.
Now my complaints don't lie in his lack of experience, firstly because it's not like Jose Mourinho was the most experienced man in football when he won every trophy under the sun and the hearts of every casual female football fan in the country (damn you, Jose). Now I'm not saying Shearer is as special as The Special One - the kind of reaction that would produce on Tyneside would have to be measured in the kilotons - but it does go to prove that experience is not always an important factor. Secondly, of course, it's because I'm just having a moan and don't really give a toss who Newcastle appoint as manager, as chances are they'll be out on their ear again this time next year having achieved bugger-all. Sources say Houllier wants it, and let's face it, they're not going to get anyone better, but it seems they're scared to get him on the blower, and the reason for that is Alan Fucking Shearer. Herein lies my problem with Big Al.
The problem with Shearer and the Geordie fans is that they hang on his every word, so when he criticises a manager on Match of the Day, the next week the Toon Army are shouting for their heads, but he doesn't appear to have the bottle to take the job on himself and risk his own neck in front of the baying hordes - probably because he knows that, while he might last a few more months as his air of Geordie divinity wears off under a succession of 3 - 1 losses to Reading, he would eventually go the same way as Allardyce, Roeder and everyone else, his star lessened, his light dimmed, and with nobody listening to his inane analysis anymore, his position at the BBC under threat - maybe they could poach Paul Merson from Sky as a replacement, he seems to talk an equivalent amount of bollocks while going equally nowhere.
The time has come for Shearer to put up or shut up. If Mike Ashley goes for Shearer, he will be taking a gamble but will massively endear himself to the Geordie faithful. If he doesn't, he will go for an experienced manager and, with Shearer not ruling himself out this time, the minute results start to turn sour for the new man, the Toon Army will turn not only on Houllier, Hughes or whoever it might be, but will also turn on the board for having the temerity not to appoint their Tyneside Zeus, and Mike Ashley might want to rethink his policy of sitting in the stands, lest he be pelted with meat pie and gravy. Either way is fine by Shearer, he can take the job and hope for the best, or he can sit in his cosy Match of the Day studio and stick his oar in every time the new man at Newcastle doesn't win by four clear goals, starting the whole cycle over again until he decides he has the stones to get out of his armchair and try the pressure, problems and potential pitfalls of the dugout for real. Until then, sadly, he will continue to play Football Manager with Newcastle every Saturday at 10.15, and be a willing participant in the downfall of the next man who's job it will be to turn the Geordie cause around. And the next. And the next.
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