You know there's pretty much fuck-all news going around when the most entertaining thing I could find on my usual trawling of the internet was a link from Google Ads. This time it was DateAMillionaire.com - I can't be the only one that doesn't think millionaires have any trouble finding people to give them a good seeing to, and if they did they'd find a damn sight better place to find them than the internet, as everyone knows that internet dating will, in 99% of all cases, end in lies, recriminations and your broken body turning up in a drain in rural Suffolk because the sort of nutter you find who wants to 'date' on the internet can't bear to see you leave when you take a walk to the shops for milk and more Durex.
Still, I suppose at least you'd get something out of it, unlike this bloke, who was arrested for laughing at the telly. Now I know Paul Merton is criminally funny, but this is rediculous, with the bloke being pepper sprayed and arrested after police forced their way into his home because he fell off the couch laughing at Have I Got News for You. I'm not sure why that's illegal and my cursory glance of the article didn't really reveal what he was arrested for or what warranted this treatment other than he was apparently 'uncooperative' with the officers that came to arrest him for wanton giggling. I can't say I blame him, really. If the real coppers came and tried to arrest me while I was enjoying an 'educational' episode of Law and Order (with the delicious Mariska Hargitay as Det. Olivia Benson. Yum.) then I'd spunk all over their shoes in protest. Unless it was actually her come to do the arresting, obviously, but that's happened before and before she even got the cuffs on I'd woken up in a puddle of my own dribble.
I hate to tell you this, but that really is pretty much it for today's news, after just one proper story. There really is completely fuck-all going on and nobody's died in a painfully funny way in fucking ages. I could report more on the big 'current issues' that the BBC is all over this past week, but I'm not interested in Wayne and fucking Colleen's 'big day' and I doubt you are either. Six million high resolution photos of the two ugliest people in the country snogging each other in hideous 'designer' gear courtesy of 'Hello!' cuntazine really isn't my style and I hope you'll understand if I hold off reporting on either of them until the inevitable three week breakup when he gets outed for shagging another blue-rinse and she walks off with half his cash.
Well, what other possible reason could there be for being willing to get yourself humped by Wayne Rooney?
I suppose I could concentrate on the fact the Fathers for Justice protesters that are being arrested after climbing up that MP's house and sitting there dressed as idiots, but frankly, it was pretty obvious that was going to be the conclusion. I know they're fighting for a reasonable cause and the rights for fathers in this country have been reduced to essentially fuck-all if the mother decides to hold a bit of a grudge, but until the pendulum of political correctness starts to shift a bit back in the other direction this is all that's going to happen. I've got a mate who's over a barrel and his ex missus gives him the baby to look after every friday and saturday so she can go on the piss, and knows full well if he refuses even once then she can take the kid away permenantly because he will have 'willingly refused access'. This is after months and months of her keeping it away altogether until she decided she wanted to go out on the town. Cow.
Still, I don't know what other response they were expecting to get from the Minister for Women. That's no slur against feminism or anything else, but Harriet Harman, as the Minister for Women, is employed to always take the woman's side, no matter how rediculous she's being. What we need is a Minister for Men. I reckon Jeremy Clarkson would do a good job, and anyone who's ever punched Piers Morgan in the teeth has my full support on anything. The odious smug little cunt.
What else? Ah yes, football. Portugal beat the Czechs 3 - 1 and now Ronaldo thinks they're going to win the tournament - and, annoyingly, they probably will, just so that hair-gelled little cock can smug around even more, and send new Chelsea boss Big Phil Scolari into a tailspin of signing up even more hair-gelled little Portuguese cocks (because we haven't had enough of those at Chelsea before), while Turkey beat Switzerland with a last-minute deflection after spending ninety-three minutes playing in a puddle which the Turks had no idea how to handle. Switzerland's Hakan Yakin scored the easiest goal I've ever seen in a professional match after the ball stopped in a puddle 2 yards out with nobody within 10 yards and he poked it in, but the Turks fought back and scored 2 in the second half when the pitch dried out a bit and people could actually play football again without the aid of water wings.
Tonight, Croatia play Germany, which promises to be an exciting game with lots of neat, passing football, while Austria play Poland, which doesn't. The Austria game is the evening one, though, so hopefully I'll be drunk enough by the time it rolls around that I'll think it's pretty good. Germany and Poland to win it in what has, so far, been an astonishingly predictable tournament.
Oh well, beer and football await. It can't all be bad.
Your Say Thursday coming later.
Goodnight.
Still, I suppose at least you'd get something out of it, unlike this bloke, who was arrested for laughing at the telly. Now I know Paul Merton is criminally funny, but this is rediculous, with the bloke being pepper sprayed and arrested after police forced their way into his home because he fell off the couch laughing at Have I Got News for You. I'm not sure why that's illegal and my cursory glance of the article didn't really reveal what he was arrested for or what warranted this treatment other than he was apparently 'uncooperative' with the officers that came to arrest him for wanton giggling. I can't say I blame him, really. If the real coppers came and tried to arrest me while I was enjoying an 'educational' episode of Law and Order (with the delicious Mariska Hargitay as Det. Olivia Benson. Yum.) then I'd spunk all over their shoes in protest. Unless it was actually her come to do the arresting, obviously, but that's happened before and before she even got the cuffs on I'd woken up in a puddle of my own dribble.
I hate to tell you this, but that really is pretty much it for today's news, after just one proper story. There really is completely fuck-all going on and nobody's died in a painfully funny way in fucking ages. I could report more on the big 'current issues' that the BBC is all over this past week, but I'm not interested in Wayne and fucking Colleen's 'big day' and I doubt you are either. Six million high resolution photos of the two ugliest people in the country snogging each other in hideous 'designer' gear courtesy of 'Hello!' cuntazine really isn't my style and I hope you'll understand if I hold off reporting on either of them until the inevitable three week breakup when he gets outed for shagging another blue-rinse and she walks off with half his cash.
Well, what other possible reason could there be for being willing to get yourself humped by Wayne Rooney?
I suppose I could concentrate on the fact the Fathers for Justice protesters that are being arrested after climbing up that MP's house and sitting there dressed as idiots, but frankly, it was pretty obvious that was going to be the conclusion. I know they're fighting for a reasonable cause and the rights for fathers in this country have been reduced to essentially fuck-all if the mother decides to hold a bit of a grudge, but until the pendulum of political correctness starts to shift a bit back in the other direction this is all that's going to happen. I've got a mate who's over a barrel and his ex missus gives him the baby to look after every friday and saturday so she can go on the piss, and knows full well if he refuses even once then she can take the kid away permenantly because he will have 'willingly refused access'. This is after months and months of her keeping it away altogether until she decided she wanted to go out on the town. Cow.
Still, I don't know what other response they were expecting to get from the Minister for Women. That's no slur against feminism or anything else, but Harriet Harman, as the Minister for Women, is employed to always take the woman's side, no matter how rediculous she's being. What we need is a Minister for Men. I reckon Jeremy Clarkson would do a good job, and anyone who's ever punched Piers Morgan in the teeth has my full support on anything. The odious smug little cunt.
What else? Ah yes, football. Portugal beat the Czechs 3 - 1 and now Ronaldo thinks they're going to win the tournament - and, annoyingly, they probably will, just so that hair-gelled little cock can smug around even more, and send new Chelsea boss Big Phil Scolari into a tailspin of signing up even more hair-gelled little Portuguese cocks (because we haven't had enough of those at Chelsea before), while Turkey beat Switzerland with a last-minute deflection after spending ninety-three minutes playing in a puddle which the Turks had no idea how to handle. Switzerland's Hakan Yakin scored the easiest goal I've ever seen in a professional match after the ball stopped in a puddle 2 yards out with nobody within 10 yards and he poked it in, but the Turks fought back and scored 2 in the second half when the pitch dried out a bit and people could actually play football again without the aid of water wings.
Tonight, Croatia play Germany, which promises to be an exciting game with lots of neat, passing football, while Austria play Poland, which doesn't. The Austria game is the evening one, though, so hopefully I'll be drunk enough by the time it rolls around that I'll think it's pretty good. Germany and Poland to win it in what has, so far, been an astonishingly predictable tournament.
Oh well, beer and football await. It can't all be bad.
Your Say Thursday coming later.
Goodnight.
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