I hate Facebook. Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate. I want to jump up and down on it until it's beady little eyes pop out, and then kick them against the wall while laughing insanely about how much I hate Facebook. I hate it. I loathe it with every fibre of my being. I shake with rage at it's very mention. Once again at some unholy hour of the morning, I've dragged myself bleary-eyed and blinking out of my pit to write today's post, checked my email, and what makes up the vast majority of communications I've received from the internet superhighway, this fantastic and wonderous tool to allow instantaneous communication with anyone anywhere on the globe? Fucking Facebook asking me forty-seven seperate times if I want to compare movie tastes with people I might have gone to school with once, about ten fucking years ago. Fuck off. How compatible are YOU?! I don't fucking care.
They're bigger than MySpace now, apparently. It's hard to see why - MySpace might be the sole domain of preening emo pretty-boys in jeans made for the wrong gender, but at least it doesn't bombard me with constant inane emails - Do you want to see which Superhero you are? About as much as I want piss to come out of my eyes, now leave me alone.
Anyway, lets move on to dealing with the outside world, regardless of how insignificant they clearly are in comparisons to my ongoing struggle against social networking, and talk about something highbrow for a change: International politics. First up, Gordon Brown has come out and said that the world 'should not recognise' Robert Mugabe's rule in Zimbabwe. While this is a worthwhile endeavour and the speccy twat does need shouting at a good deal, the reasons why it's a bad idea for us and not the African Union to do so are legion. Number one is the fact that this plays right into the hands of Mugabe in that it makes it look like we are trying to pull a colonial trick on the Zimbabweans and trying to unsettle a leader that has based his entire rule on hating the British, but the big number two is the fact Mugabe quite obviously does not give a shit.
He seems quite willing to have journalists beaten along with the rest of the populace that dares go against him, and I don't think Gordon Brown telling him to stop being such a naughty boy is going to stop the psychopathic lunatic from, well, being a psychopathic lunatic. He is obviously revelling in his Idi Amin in gold-rimmed spectacles act, and shows no signs of giving up. Maybe the African Union can go and give him a bit of a kicking, but I doubt it. Let's just wait for the old bastard to die and hope whoever takes over is a little less fucking mad.
Speaking of fucking mad, and of schemes that are doomed from the very beginning, a school on Teeside is trying to teach kids to avoid bullying by teaching them 'The Code of the Samurai'.
Naomi Beeley, of the council's museum service, said: "Using the Samurai as an example, we hope the young people will be inspired to develop and spread their own code of honour, including a healthy respect for other people". This won't happen. What will happen is that either, misguidedly, one of the weaker, spottier kids will say "get back, I'm a samurai!" and promptly be beaten to death with his own breastplate by the bigger boys from Year 9, or you'll just be teaching a bunch of chavs called Darren how to stab people more efficiently.
Moving over to sport, Paul Ince has been announced as the new manager of Blackburn Rovers, and while most of the articles in the media focus on the man's achievements at being one of the most promising young managers in the game, the BBC just can't resist pulling out another instance of the phenomenon of The First Black X, right in the first paragraph.
Never mind the fact that, in his first full season in management, he managed to win the League Two title and the Johnson's Paint trophy, or the fact that he is the first in quite a while of a long line of illustrious former England captains to move into management, what's important is he's black, and thus is completely unable to do something for himself, he has to do it for all black people everywhere. I might be thick, but I completely fail to see what relevance his colour has on his appointment at Blackburn Rovers - he's clearly a young, very talented manager and he could be green for all Blackburn Rovers care if he starts winning trophies - or indeed if he doesn't - so why the fuck does it matter to the BBC?
I wonder if this pisses them off as much as it would me. I'd occasionally like to do something monumental in my life and have it all for me, and not have to have my race drawn into it in the first paragraph of every article ever fucking written.
Maybe I can be the first British Jew to do so! Commence your OMG'ing now.
Finally, some bloke who used to be in boy-band Blue has been up in court for punching a taxi driver during an argument over a car accident. Personally I think this monster should be locked up and the key thrown away - not because he punched a taxi driver, but because the bastard was in 'Blue'.
Goodnight.
They're bigger than MySpace now, apparently. It's hard to see why - MySpace might be the sole domain of preening emo pretty-boys in jeans made for the wrong gender, but at least it doesn't bombard me with constant inane emails - Do you want to see which Superhero you are? About as much as I want piss to come out of my eyes, now leave me alone.
Anyway, lets move on to dealing with the outside world, regardless of how insignificant they clearly are in comparisons to my ongoing struggle against social networking, and talk about something highbrow for a change: International politics. First up, Gordon Brown has come out and said that the world 'should not recognise' Robert Mugabe's rule in Zimbabwe. While this is a worthwhile endeavour and the speccy twat does need shouting at a good deal, the reasons why it's a bad idea for us and not the African Union to do so are legion. Number one is the fact that this plays right into the hands of Mugabe in that it makes it look like we are trying to pull a colonial trick on the Zimbabweans and trying to unsettle a leader that has based his entire rule on hating the British, but the big number two is the fact Mugabe quite obviously does not give a shit.
He seems quite willing to have journalists beaten along with the rest of the populace that dares go against him, and I don't think Gordon Brown telling him to stop being such a naughty boy is going to stop the psychopathic lunatic from, well, being a psychopathic lunatic. He is obviously revelling in his Idi Amin in gold-rimmed spectacles act, and shows no signs of giving up. Maybe the African Union can go and give him a bit of a kicking, but I doubt it. Let's just wait for the old bastard to die and hope whoever takes over is a little less fucking mad.
Speaking of fucking mad, and of schemes that are doomed from the very beginning, a school on Teeside is trying to teach kids to avoid bullying by teaching them 'The Code of the Samurai'.
Naomi Beeley, of the council's museum service, said: "Using the Samurai as an example, we hope the young people will be inspired to develop and spread their own code of honour, including a healthy respect for other people". This won't happen. What will happen is that either, misguidedly, one of the weaker, spottier kids will say "get back, I'm a samurai!" and promptly be beaten to death with his own breastplate by the bigger boys from Year 9, or you'll just be teaching a bunch of chavs called Darren how to stab people more efficiently.
Moving over to sport, Paul Ince has been announced as the new manager of Blackburn Rovers, and while most of the articles in the media focus on the man's achievements at being one of the most promising young managers in the game, the BBC just can't resist pulling out another instance of the phenomenon of The First Black X, right in the first paragraph.
Never mind the fact that, in his first full season in management, he managed to win the League Two title and the Johnson's Paint trophy, or the fact that he is the first in quite a while of a long line of illustrious former England captains to move into management, what's important is he's black, and thus is completely unable to do something for himself, he has to do it for all black people everywhere. I might be thick, but I completely fail to see what relevance his colour has on his appointment at Blackburn Rovers - he's clearly a young, very talented manager and he could be green for all Blackburn Rovers care if he starts winning trophies - or indeed if he doesn't - so why the fuck does it matter to the BBC?
I wonder if this pisses them off as much as it would me. I'd occasionally like to do something monumental in my life and have it all for me, and not have to have my race drawn into it in the first paragraph of every article ever fucking written.
Maybe I can be the first British Jew to do so! Commence your OMG'ing now.
Finally, some bloke who used to be in boy-band Blue has been up in court for punching a taxi driver during an argument over a car accident. Personally I think this monster should be locked up and the key thrown away - not because he punched a taxi driver, but because the bastard was in 'Blue'.
Goodnight.
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