Your Say Thursday; Do you feel cut off from the criminal justice system?

It's back! Seeing as there weren't any good questions last week, I left out the idea of Your Say Thursday because it's been a bastion of insanity and unbalanced bigotry since the very beginning, and I didn't want to risk damaging it's image with some boring story on petrol tax with a bunch of BMW-driving cunts shouting from the rooftops about how it would now cost them an extra quid to drive their company car at rediculous speeds while talking to their mistresses on their mobiles and wanking themselves into an early grave.

This week, though, there's 'Do you feel cut off from the criminal justice system?', a question bound to draw the morons out in force. I don't pretend to be able to make any comment funny, which is why I didn't bother last week, but the answers you get for questions like this just write themselves. Read on.

"Criminals have no rights. Break the law and you should be so harshly treated you never do it again. Simple. Get the scum off the streets and stop the police targetting speeding, parking and other rubbish until all the real crime is solved."
Tom, London

Yes, the police should stop investigating all the crimes you fancy committing, and dedicate themselves solely to the pursuit of incriminating people who aren't you. I reckon the police should stop targetting me punching you in the face over and over again until all the real crime is solved. You know, the stuff committed by people who aren't me.

"I think the criminals should be sent to Helmand province to act as mine detectors for are brave soldiers."
Pablo, Bradford

I think anyone found guilty of littering should be strung up by their toes and beaten about the face with shoes until they're really really sorry, and then blasted into space. It's the only way to be sure. If we don't blast them into space, they might come back and MURDER US ALL. As for the ones guilty of belching in public, well, best to blow them up as well, in case.

"Ten million people were convicted of motoring offences (exceeding the speed limit, parking in the wrong place or entering a bus lane). Meanwhile just a few thousand people are convicted of theft, assault, criminal damage, trespass, or other anti-social behaviour. Seems to me the justice system has got it the wrong way round."
Brian Worboys, Chelmsford, United Kingdom

Ding ding! Here comes the maths fairy, try not to doze off. If, within a set length of time, ten million people commit driving offences and 'just a few thousand' people commit theft, assault and so on, and the police convict ten million bad drivers and 'only' a few thousand theives, assaulters, etc (far less common crimes than speeding and so on), then both will still have a 100% success rate. Now, none of this means that's the case, it just means you're a moron.

"No more slapped wrists, fines, or community service. Send them DOWN!"
Suffolk Boy

Send them DAHN, Guv, send them DAHN! All legal decisions should be taken by Suffolk Boy after an overdose of coffee and The Bill. I used to get like this when I watched crime shows, but then I discovered Law and Order and now I can't take my eyes off Mariska Hargitay long enough to get a stonk on about sending people DAHN, or stroking my baton, or anything.

"Round up all the do gooders who let us get into the state we are in today , and bang them up for twenty years . It's a start !"
[lassiethegeesechaser]

I am firmly of the belief that all people who disagree with me on any issue whatsoever should be locked up forever. This will make the world a better place (for me) and will make a huge difference in the areas that matter most (to me). It's a start (for me).

"You relentlessly criticize our country for every little thing, imaginary motives and all the world's ills, but your little island is a pseudo-democracy of social degeneracy."
Jeremy Mason, Houston, United States

Pro tip: Criticising people for lumping everyone in your country into one group by lumping all of them into one group makes you look a bit of a hypocrite. And a twat. It also looks like you might be vomiting up parts of a dictionary.

P.s. Americans stink of bums and wee. Nyah-nyah, etc.

Finally, I know it's harsh to joke about it so soon, but I really am finding it difficult not to laugh when I'm watching the news report with the father of the female soldier killed in Afghanistan describing her as 'the Angel of the North' - 60 feet high and made of metal? Calm down.

I know you're greiving and everything, but think about what you're saying, eh? I don't think me pissing myself laughing is quite the response you're trying to elicit.

Though that wouldn't half put the shits up the Taliban, 'Wicker Man' style.

Goodnight.